Sabado, Disyembre 31, 2011

twenty twelve

Maingay na naman ang paligid. Mausok. Magulo. Shet bagong taon na naman. Parang ako lang din yan, pabago-bago. Maingay, mausok, magulo. Alam ko pagpasok ng sunod na taon, wala ng magbabago. Kung ano man yun, basta yun na yon. Yun ang hindi magbabago. Alam ko lang. Basta alam ko. Mahirap ng baguhin, masyado ng huli ang lahat para maging pabago-bago. Bakit pa, alam ko naman saken na'to.

Mangarap, magmahal, magpatawad. Lahat yan sangkap ng kaligayahan. Sabihin mo mang mababaw, kumontra ka man ng walang hanggan, kung meron akong napatunayan, yun ay ang sarili mo lang ang amo ng iyong galaw. Wala ng iba. Madapa ka man sa iyong pag-galaw, matuto kang bumangon at muling sumayaw. 

Walang masamang lumakad sa direksyong ikaw lang ang nakakaalam; hindi sa lahat ng oras sasabay ka sa karamihan. Ang tama sa iyo ay maaring mali sa iba at ganon din naman sila. Matuto kang bumagtas ng daang hindi mo nakasanayan, magkamali ka man, nadagdagan naman ang iyong kaalaman. Paulit-ulit ka mang maligaw, wala na silang pakialam bilang ikaw ang nagdusa, ikaw ang napagod. Kung mamalasin ka naman at hindi mo makayanan, tandaan mo, ikaw ang abogado ng sarili mo pag hinarap mo si san pedro. Walang ibang may kayang magsalaysay ng buhay mo, ikaw lang. 

Ikaw ang liwanag ng sarili mong kadiliman sa paraang ikaw din ang boses ng iyong kahinaan. Dapat lang tandaan, wag abusuhin ang kakayahan, para walang mag-aalala na mga kaibigan. Sila ang lubid sa iyong buhay, ang maghihigpit ng lumuluwang mong kamalayan, o bibigti sa natitira mong katinuan. Mahalin sila at alagaan, pero hindi ibig sabihin ay maging sunud-sunuran. Makinig at magpasalamat sa pagmamahal at pag-alaga; kung totoo talaga silang kaibigan, magkaiba man kayo ng kagustuhan, di ka pa din nila iiwan.

Ikaw ang boss ng sarili mong karera, ikaw ang magdidikta kung san to papunta. Hindi sa lahat ng oras ay lagi kang masaya, ngunit di ibig sabihin ay magpapabaya ka. Kumilos ka. Walang ibang mag-aangat sa sarili mo kundi ang iyong pakikibaka.

Ikaw ang puso ng iyong mga magulang. Maswerte ka kung dalawa pa sila. Ako wala ng ama. Mahirap. Kaya kung may problema ka sa isa sa kanila, tandaan mo, anak ka lang. Hindi ko man alam ang dahilan bakit di mo yun magawa, di kita pipilitin. Ang sinasabi ko lang, mabuti ka pa, andyan pa sila. Galit ka man, ang mahalaga, andyan pa sila.

Ikaw ang utak ng sarili mong emosyon. Kung masakit na, sasabihin nila, tumigil ka na. Pero minsan, mas masakit ang tumigil sa pagsinta. Magmukha ka mang tanga, kasama yan dahil nagmahal ka. 

Wag na wag kang manghuhusga. Wala ka sa katauhan at katayuan nila para magsalita ka ng isang dosena. Mahirap mabusog sa sariling salita, nakakahiya, minsan nakakasuka. Walang sino man ang may karapatan ng manghusga, tandaan mo, maski ikaw hindi perpekto. Hanggat wala ka sa sitwasyong kinalalagyan nya, tumahimik ka na lang dahil hindi mo alam, nasisira ka na.

Magdasal ka. Wala ng mas lalakas pa sa dasal na nagmula sa puso mong naniniwala. 

Wag matakot. Magpatawad at humingi ng tawad. Tumawa. Umiyak. Mag-ingay. Manahimik. Magmahal. Masaktan. Magdasal. 

Matutong magpasalamat. At matutong tumanggap ng pasasalamat ng iba. 

Sa dilim makikita ang liwanag. Sa kasinungalingan lalabas ang katotohanan. Wag mangambang dumaan sa malubak na kalsada. 

Mahal kita. 

Lunes, Disyembre 26, 2011

year-end episode

i found myself sitting in one corner, trying to remember the days that have passed and the things that have occurred in the past year. i'm trying to recall the twists and turns of my young life and how will it affect or help my next few days and months.

I am crazy to have thought of the following to summarize what went through my bitter-sweet year. :p

2011's 10 hot stuff and news makers:

1. emotional and epic rift with a best friend
2. blessing in disguise break-up
3. maintaining friendship
4. gathering of all support system
5. unbelievable flirting
6. virtual romance
7. rekindling friendship with the great love
8. career change
9. new faces
10. travel

2011's First:

1. First International trip
2. First Plane trip alone
3. First long-term virtual relationship
4. First No Boylet of the Month
5. First time a guy wrote me a poem. :)
6. First 6hr bus ride alone
7. First birthday alone
8. First time I've seen myself with husband and daughter to be. OHA.
9. First time I've seen such an unbelievable evilness in a person. 
10. First time i thought of my health. hehe :p

All the the things that transpired in my 2011 are all preparations for my sweet 2012. I'm claiming it to be a year of love and stability for me. ♥ I don't know how and when it will happen, but i have this strong feeling that it will be. My career will go a long way too together with the slowly bouncing back of the family's business concerns. 

This year, friendship with the truest people in my life will remain and will grow stronger. Newly-met people will be cherished. Unnecessary people will be get ridden of.

This year will also open the hearts of the people I've wronged to forgive me. I will leave all the baggage and with all purity welcome 2012. Yes, it's an overflowing positivism on my part. I know this time around, the universe will let me see the sunshine. :)


Happy Twenty12. May the force be with us! :)

To God be All the Glory!


MY UNIVERSE'S SUNSHINE

730 days ago

I found this blog in the wee hours of December 27, while I'm catching up with my favorite TV series..




in full length:



SUNDAY, DECEMBER 27, 2009


why ME


I refuse the idea of writing my love stories. Yes, its with an S. I have plenty and i am not happy with it. Anyhow, I don't want to talk about it here but my hands are the slaves of my mind...and in my mind is the confusion made by different elements around.


The last serious relationship I had was with J. It was a fairy tale-like story that was bound to end in a not-so-good way. It was the same exact thing I did to W. Deymn. I was mean, I know.


J's goodbye was followed by i-am-no-so-proud-of affairs. Yes, the guys were all taken, if not, too much complicated. I swore to myself not to fall in love and I am still keeping the promise till now. I know and I am aware that this depends on me, but still, I go on and explore the not-so-good affair. I keep on thinking that this is Boss' way to let me understand the situation that J and his JJ went through before and to make me realize that they didnt mean to hurt me after all.


Yes, i get it. I know now, and I understand the feeling and i have realized that I am not in any position to judge someone of their actions. I am not in their shoes to know what to do.




Yung totoo, natutuwa ba ko sa attensyon nila? Yung totoo, dapat maghintay na lang ako ng tamang pag-ibig diba? hay


Yung totoo, bakit ba laging ako ang nagugustuhan ng mga taong hindi na pwede. Yung totoo, kasi ineentertain ko ba o dahil ako ang nagpaparealize na may kulang sa mga relasyon nila? Yung totoo, dapat na ba ko maglaho? Hay ulet.




OH YEAH..TALK ABOUT THE SAME EPISODE. I GUESS THE ISSUE IS WITH ME NA TALAGA. HEHE

Linggo, Disyembre 25, 2011

26th Birthday. 3rd Alone Trip

12-19-2011: Happy birthday to me and happy 3rd year of travelling alone! :) 


Destination: Manaoag Pangasinan-Baguio. For one freaking whole day. Hehe. I know its weird. It was really tiring and at the same time fulfilling. :) 


I started my birthday waking up to several text messages from friends, one of which was from my bestfriend, Zsazsa. I was touched to feel how eager she was to be the first one to greet me, but fell short since she greeted me 10mins before 12. hehe. Anyhow, I had my coffee and yosi while browsing my FB page and reading other posts from friends. It was touching. It's not the same as last year when I had 250+ wallposts, but these messages I got from several people made it all so sincere. :)


I left the condo around 2:30am, bought food from 711, made sure I had paracetamol and other necessary stuff for my trip. I got to Victory Liner Cubao around 3am, bought my ticket to Urdaneta, and waited for my 5am trip to Pangasinan.




That is what I wanted: Bus ride :)


It took me almost 5hours to reach Pangasinan. From Urdaneta I took a tric going to Our Lady of Manaoag.









It was an overwhelming feeling having to spend an hour hearing mass in this miraculous church...what a birthday mass. With this alone, I know I was already satisfied and happy... I'm so thankful to have been given a chance to come to this place and pray.


On the sidelines were ofcourse greetings from friends and loved ones. Here's what my mom sent me :)


isnt she the sweetest? :)


After the mass, I headed straight to Baguio. Rode a van and took over an hour ride to Baguio. Burnham Park, wow. I was thinking of taking a cab going to session road but i decided to just explore the place and walk until I get there. I succeeded naman as I know its just near Burnham. Hehe. I was wearing a skirt and tank top without any jacket at all. YES HINDI SYA MALAMIG. Kaloka!


My birthday lunch: T-bone Steak. Sizzling Plate, Session Road.





Then I tried looking for the famous Chona's cake, pero no go :( 


I just went to the Grotto and pray...Okay naman. :)









Went to Camp John Hay to buy stuff lang kasi di naman natuloy yung plan ko to have coffee there while meditating, reflecting, lahat na ng -ing. Hehe. :)


6PM, I decided to go to SM Baguio and buy gifts, but no avail, I just headed to UK...its almost 7 and they're already closing...waaaaahhh...but lucky pa din kasi I got to this store na super cheap and I was able to get best buy stuff :) Haberdei to me. Hehe.


Wow, 8PM. I planned to have dinner na kaya lang ang dami ko na dala and I didn't plan of staying overnight naman so I had to carry those kahit san ko maisip pumunta. Tinamad nako and just went straight to the terminal. Ang daming tao at nakakapagod talaga.


10PM: Bye Baguio! :)) 




4AM: Hello Makati! :))


i know its a wow, not everyone naman can do this...not that what i did was amazing, pero katangahan kasi. hehe...haggard trip but it was fun. very 'eat-pray-love' ang peg ko! :p


reasons? ah yeah. i wanted to do this so i can get back on track. 2011 has been a bitter-sweet year for me. and i believe it was about time naman for me to reflect on what happened to my journey to the 26th. i'm still thankful..for the challenges, people who hurt me, problems, and of course blessings.. thank you talaga. 


well, hindi ako heart broken compared dun sa first 2 alone trips ko ha: corregidor 2008 and island trip 2010


uhmm, yeah, i think i have special feelings for this person..the guy who actually summed up my 2011..pero things are complicated and i chose to just feel in silence na lang. lets just wait if words will be put into action..in the meantime, ill have my life back.. malay naman natin kay papa wendz pala ako talaga..hahaha :D


anyhow, thank you Lord for everything.. :) Samar naman po next ha? :)