hate is not the opposite of love, apathy is

you once told me that when we were arguing about me being affected still by my past. never did it occur to me that i would be following your very own advice in our situation. 

a year with you is no joke. its my example of experiencing real life with someone. we shared a couple of challenges, heartaches, torments, and disappointments. those events made us see our differences and yet we still managed to create and share thousands of smiles, laughters, sweet gestures, unforgettable memories, acceptance, tolerance, learning, debate, and sweet loving.


i saw the demise coming, its true. i know what we had won't really last for a long time as expectations were set early on the relationship, but the tears wont stop and heart breaks into pieces when that day finally arrived. it hurts that it almost killed the sanity in me. that's when i realized i loved you more than i could imagine. 


to save my pride atleast, i decided to move on quietly. no trash talking, no bashing, no communicating. totally apart from the world we both used to live in. i departed from the people whom i know won't help me recover. i took the courage to be quiet and help myself instead. it paid off. after a month, i no longer think of you nor even remember your face when we were still together. though a month had already passed, i still didn't want to hear any story about you, and i prayed hard that God wont let our paths cross again yet. 


days passed and i was enjoying the freedom that i have now. it opened the door of communication with a person i've been admiring for two years now. that person unintentionally removed bitterness in my heart. until one day, i woke up feeling ready to talk about you again, hear stories about you, and therefore allowing myself to finally share thoughts about it. it was a good sign, i believed.


last night, with no preparation nor anticipation, our eyes met again. though it lasted for just 3-4 seconds, it still relieved me from the notion that ill be back to square one if i see you again.  i did feel nothing, no BS, no heart pounding event, nothing. i saw a blank face in you probably because it came as a surprise for both of us. after three months, i saw you again and i never expected it to be this easy and light, as if nothing happened. 


surprisingly after that moment, i thought of maybe saying hello and make small talk with you the next time we see each other. prayers really, can move mountains, can wash away pain and bitterness. we're still friends afterall. as i finish this writing, i know in my heart, i have already forgiven you and myself for what has happened. i will forever cherish the memories we had, it was an awesome rollercoaster ride with you, Ron.


until we meet again, Kulet. may the mighty heavens always look after you and shower you with what will make you happy. i loved you. i'm happy i can now add that letter D to the phrase i once used to describe how happy my life is when i was with you.