that goddamn name

your goddamn name is all over.

i would like to think that the universe is playing tricks on me, teasing me and making me admit that I still have feelings for you. why on earth will I encounter 5 candidates named Michael today; 3 of which prefers to be called Mike. And why would I hear songs that will shake my almost-firmed mindset? "just when I thought I was over you...." 

I once told myself, if ever we'll end up together, I don't want to be with Mickey.. I want to be with Mike plainly because Mike is the real one. I want the real thing. I wanted you...but things did not go the way I wanted it too.

that's just too sad and this is just too much. 

this has to stop. hay. 

Again.. why? Why do I think of you again. Why??? 

I don't know. 

I need signs to know if I'm gonna continue waiting in silence. Ang tanga ko ba talaga? 

I guess I'll just let it be.

Idle Time means Your Time

March 25

If there's one thing I don't like in entering another chapter, that is having to endure the screaming silence of in between moments. Idle times equate to my mind's inability to steer away from your thoughts.

Today marks the first year since this thing of us started. I will not deny it, yes today I have thought of you.

Its been a while. I am actually doing okay without you. Better things are on my side and new people are making my days happy. Work is okay and I got my focus back. Time flies so quickly that I can no longer remember how we used to talk everyday.

You were once a dream and a promise I held on for a year. You are such a beautiful lie says my mind, but my heart speaks otherwise.

Thank you for not talking to me anymore, for not making yourself felt since the time you came back. It really helps. I assume you followed my request that if our story's gonna end, we'll move on quietly. Thank you.

I know you don't have the balls to show up and explain your side. I know you didn't try to breakup with her the whole time you were away, instead you just took a time to rest and make use of your leaves. Why did I even believe you that after 3weeks you'll finally be mine?

But don't worry because those days you were not communicating with me were the most productive days of my life. Work got better and activities became more fun to handle..plus people around me that make me happy.

Thank you for everything. I must say whenever you cross my mind, I stop and smile thinking about our crazy time together, our Isabel..our fights and sweet times. Yes I still think of you and miss you..but each day without you keeps on making me move on quick, making me open the door for others.

There. I hate being idle. It reminds me of my love for you. It doesnt change easily.

I hope you are happy....

Ang Paboritong Libro ni Divina: Ending

Napagod ako. Andami kong mga nakalatag na gawain, nawalan nako tuloy ng oras at ganang tapusin ang paborito kong libro. Masyado akong nawalan ng interes sa pahinang huling binasa ko. Malungkot na di ko natapos ang matagal ko ng pinapangarap na libro ngunit kung itutuloy ko naman, madaming gawain ang hindi ko magagawang tapusin. 

Masyado ng matagal ang oras na ibinigay ko sa nasabing libro, nawalan nako ng panahon para sa mga bagay na totoo. Naisip ko na saka na lang ulit, tutal mukhang wala naman akong napapala at mukhang parehas lang din naman ang ending. Katulad lang din ng ibang libro na aking nabasa, paulit-ulit, pare-parehas, walang makatotohanan.

Masyadong mabulaklak ang sumulat ng paborito kong libro, alam na alam nya kung paano laruin ang imahinasyon ng babasa nito, alam nya kung ano ang dapat sabihin. Nakuha nya ako doon ngunit kailangan kong itigil ang pagbabasa. Masyado ng hindi kapani-paniwala. Nakakapagod ang pang-bobola at paglalaro ng tadhana.

Wala akong pagsisisi na di ko tinuloy at tinapos ko na ang pagbabasa sa pabotrito kong libro. Madaming bagay ang dapat ko pang unahin, at sa mga bagay na ito, alam ko, handa ako na magbasa ulit ng isa pang libro. Libro na makatotohanan at siguradong ang sumulat ay hindi kathang isip lang. 

Nararamdaman kong magiging masaya ako sa bagong librong mababasa ko. Pero saka na muna pag handa na akong ibigay lahat ng oras ko. :)

Follow Your Heart

Nothing's new.

It has always been my heart that leads me to whatever path I should take. I know my heart is right this time as it wants nothing but freedom. Free from uncertainties and illusions; from deceit and defeat.

The one year battle is now over. I know I have fought well but I guess this battle is not for me to win. Or maybe this is not the right battle I should be in, or the sad truth that I was the only one playing and fighting.

Nevertheless, I am happy. At least the end signals a new beginning, a new playing field, a new game to win. No more cuts, wounds, unrecognized strikes, and definitely silent applause from the crowd.

The next battle will sure be grand as I will bounce back higher and better. This time, I will be the prize to be won over, not anymore the player who always strives harder.

And yes, believe it or not, all this and more came from my heart. :)

This is for you Nadia

Hindi kita inaway, hindi kita inaaway, at hello, hindi kita aawayin. Why? Ron is not worth fighting for and not even enough reason to engage myself into a petty cat fight. Now, why post something about you? Gusto ko lang once and for all eh malaman naman ng lahat at maisip nila na never ako may ginawa sayo gaya ng iniisip mo at pinagpapa-aawa mo.


Hello, it's been more than a year na noh. December 2010 pa lang, alam ko na kung pano ka lumapit at makipag-usap kay Ron. Alam ko na yang mga moves mo; pa-naive, pa-demure, pa-bata effect, pa-tanga tanga at slow effect. You got him there sa kabila ng ayaw ni Ron sa tatanga tanga. I also put a status na "ang kay juan kay juan, ang kay pedro kay pedro." January 2011, tumindi ang hinala ko. kasi naman kung makapulupot ka sa coaching diba? andun man ako o wala, wala kang tinag, more closeness more fun diba? i was told by many how you were flirting with my ex-bf, pero i opted not to mind them kasi i thought you were my friend.


I even treated you for breakfast and we talked about how I sure I was na hindi si Ron ang future ko. Siguro at the back of your mind you were rejoicing noh? Haha. Ron and I broke up, and I confronted you. Here's what happened:


Din: Nilalandi mo ba o nilalandi ka ba ni Ron? Just tell me.
Nadia: *tears* Din di ko talaga magagawa yun, ganon lang ako talaga. Grabe naman dito ang chismis putek.
Din: Pasesnya ka na tinanong kita, gulong gulo lang ako talaga.
Nadia: Di ko talaga yun kaya, alam mo naman na gusto ko kayong dalawa saka dati ko lang crush si Ron.
Din: Haay
Nadia: Di ko yun magagawa, una dahil muslim ako, alam mo yan, mahigpit sa amin at hindi ako malandi. pangalawa, TL ko si Ron, bawal yun diba? at pangatlo higit sa lahat dahil kaibigan kita Din.
Din: I know.
Nadia: Naniniwala ka ba saken?
Din: Yes kasi kung hindi, sa malamang wala ka sa harapan ko ngayon at I'm sure magreresign ka pag binawian kita.
Nadia: *tears*


The next thing I knew, magka-relasyon na kayo. Wow. May narinig ka ba saken? Wala diba? Kasi tapos na at di ako patolera sa mga ganyang drama. Ni hindi ako nagalit sayo, sumama lang loob ko na nagsinungaling ka. Naintindihan ko kayo kasi niloko, nanloko, at naging dahilan na din ako ng panloloko. 


Tahimik na ako at masaya pero bigla na lang makakarating saken na nung makita mo ko na nakatungo ka, pag-akyat mo sinasabi mo na "nagmamaganda ako" wow naman talaga. galing mo. tapos panay kwento mo, may bintang ka pa na may kinalaman ako sa issue nyo. HALLER. kung papatulan kita, sana dati ko pa ginawa. at hindi ngayon na expired na. 


Wag kang magmaganda, magmalinis, at magfeeling dyosa. At tanggapin nyo na ang fact na madami akong kilala sa office na yan. bawat galaw nyo, kahit ayoko malaman, makakarating saken. i am not bragging, i'm just stating a fact. pasalamat ka nga di ka inaaway ng mga kaibigan ko kahit bet na bet na nilang sabunutan ka eh. hindi kami ganon, hindi kame palengkera. 


Kaya ikaw, tigilan mo na pagiging two-faced mo. wag kang feeling inapi at naive. Di bagay. Maka-mundo ka na, magpakatotoo ka.


Yun lang, Nadia, my friend. Nyahahaha. :)