Days Off

ah yeah, there's a reason why time off from work is called 'rest days'. to have a rest from work days and literally to rest. for the past few months, I've been spending my days with so much activities that I end up sick during weekends if not out of the house to do whatever. seldom that I get weekends with full energy, always with slight fever, colds, or body pain.


January weekends were spent on two weekend weddings of two of my best girlfriends back in college; Ate Chen and Van - both weddings were kinda out of town, Alabang/Laguna and Tagaytay respectively. Another weekend was spent with the family for birthday celebrations and the other was spent with friends. And yes, no time to fully rest.


February and March weekends were nothing but the same. Spent on semi-work activities, friends bonding, etc. All good, all fun, but with no rest as usual. There were Sundays that I just opted to stay at home to sleep and sleep and sleep. And it's of no good coz it didn't do me better. 


Slight fever on a weekend is a common scenario especially if the preceding work week was unbelievably busy. It's not like I'm the company's CEO or what have you, it's just that I got a lot of things on my hand that I felt 24hrs were never enough. 


And now, technically first week of April (last week was not so first week. yes i explained) and it's Holy Week. Spending my 5days off here in Batangas. For the longest time, I got to sleep 9hrs for 2 consecutive days. Praise God for this break! 


It really feels good to just sleep, watch a movie or do a series marathon while eating, curling in bed, and/or laughing with family. 

FACADE

It's either my side or your side.


You can't let people see a smile from you and forever show them happiness that no longer exists between the two of you.You can't just tell me my illusions distort the reality when it's you who's also holding on to something that doesn't show the radiant truth.

I don't wanna dwell on negativity. I let go of my foolishness. You just gotta tell him to stop checking on me. End of story.

First Quarter Review

1-94 of the 366-page Chapter

What score do I give myself? You tell me. I have compiled the 94 crazy days of this year's first quarter. Feels good to look back at how each day passed by and how each day brought smile and tears to my life. A lot has happened; days when I equated future to you and Isabel, days when rationality knocked me down, days when everything seemed to be in place, days when new doors opened up, and days when I realized that at the end of the day its all gonna be up to me. 

When emotions are high, rationality is low. Its a proven fact. Several times I found myself so certain about things that will happen in the future. I don't want to think its bad, probably just a bit off because none of words uttered were seen in actions. If there's one thing that I'm certain about, that is my plan to continuously assert and bring myself on top of my own game. I guess I'm doing well. This new home I found in RCG brought a lot of changes in me. New people, new challenges, new activities. Everything's brand new. I just love how my life is taking its course now. Achievements to keep me on high, humbling experiences to keep me grounded, new characters to keep me involved. How would you not thank the heavens for the mishaps and wrong turns of yesterday, right? 

At first I thought everything is all about you, you and our plans together, plans that may just be one of the tricks you always give in your own game. I don't feel bad though, that ours has ended. The 21 days you've been away helped me find the answer to the questions the universe have for me. If you really want to be with me, you will be. No if's no but's. And the moment I finally and bravely looked at the answer was the time I felt best about myself. Letting go is freeing yourself from unnecessary pain by unworthy reasons.

Don't get me wrong. Feelings don't go overnight. It's a process I am gladly taking. No denials, no assumptions. Thank you for letting me leave you before this quarter ends. And for that I believe a score of 4 is just right. :)

each page describes how each day transpired

#page1of366: new year doesn't always mean new life, sometimes it's just the day after the 365th day

#page2of366: that feeling of when your mind takes over but your heart pulls back

#page3of366: heart pounding reality that moves you up and down

#page4of366: that long battle of arguments with the man you love

#page5of366: you. future. almost the same

#page6of366: a talk with your bestfriend and the fact that nothing can be hidden to her

#page7of366: i am happy..the universe's sun is slowly but surely and sweetly shining down on me.. :) #thankful

#page8of366: time with friends is always important. :)

#page9of366: be thankful you have a job. smile :)

#page10of366: a lot of roads are two way; some are one way; and others are closed

#page11of366: the ugly truth that you still embrace the universe after all the cosmic shaking it caused you

#page12of366: always look at life as a one-package deal; never outsmart the unknowns. 

#page13of366: real friends disagree but never judge, the universe's effect, may it be good or bad.

#page14of366: whether you like it or not, its people's discretion to stay in your life or drift apart

#page15of366: energy. acceleration. inertia. distance. multiplication of improper forms. lessons of yesterday. application for today. 

#page16of366: its either black or white. there should be no gray in sight

#page17of366: that feeling when you browse through wedding photographs; you'll smile and then realize, you only have one guy in mind

#page18of366: during PMS, even girls don't understand why they show their monster side; you're lucky if you have a lover who still says 'i love you' after you put up a nonsense fight

#page19of366: no matter how good your intention is, some will still think otherwise. worse, it will make you appear an all-knowing shit

#page20of366: one of the best feelings in the world is to know in your heart that people don't/won't talk bad about you when you're not around :)

#page21of366: three is not always greater than two because 'I Do' weighs more than 'I Love You'

#page22of366: your body has its own way of giving up..it needs rest every once in a while

#page23of366: over the weekend, I realized that, I cry a lot..yes, a lot

#page24of366: you can't force your body to move if its really feeling weak, same as you can't force your heart to stop if all it beats for is him #ansaabe :D ?

#page25of366: even if you think that you're just a response, one way or another, you were also the stimulus that caused it

#page26of366: small things define the big ones. no grandest without grand

#page27of366: sometimes, all you have to do is let your heart smile

#page28of366: that smile you get when you realize that what's happening now is EXACTLY what you wanted and thought of 365 days ago

#page29of366: be thankful of your mom's birthday coz you're nothing without it. i love you, mommy!

#page30of366: it always takes two to tango

#page31of366: the heart sees what the eyes don't

#page32of366: one great love. one true love. one right love.

#page33of366: "it's a damn if you do-damn if you dont world. you can't please everybody. choose happiness."

#page34of366: the things that you'll regret are the risks you didnt take.

#page35of366: twenty four divided by a lot

#page36of366: SLEEP HEALS

#page37of366: even the most beautiful firework has its own end-of-the-show moment

#page38of366: the 'I'm-an-easy-to-talk-to-guy' mantra doesn't sound good and doesn't work well all the time

#page39of366: work in progress

#page40of366: balance in a non-conforming equilibrium

#page41of366: a chance and a choice

#page42of366: no one's ever white to question the absence of light

#page43of366: life has its own way to put you to sleep and its own move to wake you up

#page44of366: tables turning at first are surprising but are not always amazing; at times annoying

#page45of366: the greatest date you can have is a date with your family. #lakasmakabitter haha! :)

#page46of366: for whatever its worth

#page47of366: tears are there so you'll have something good to laugh about after a year :)

#page48of366: its not how you get there; its how you manage to stay no matter what they say

#page49of366: putting so much importance to a particular date because it spells coincidence

#page50of366: my network did not exist for nothing

#page51of366: I know I can

#page52of366: that was weird

#page53of366: If my presence annoys you, feel free to get rid of me. Simple, right?

#page54of366: you cannot put a good woman (ehem) down :p

#page55of366: John 8:7

#page56of366: your childhood life speaks much if not all of what you are today

#page57of366: nothingness

#page58of366: time apart can make or break

#page59of366: change is subjective..and every change is a test of one's character

#page60of366: METANOIA :)

#page61of366: it doesn't matter if you pass or you fail; as long as you take it, in the end all will be worth it

#page62of366: things are not always parallel, sometimes, they just have to exude the right angle

#page63of366: that moment when you realized that your friends will never believe your being demure and discreet

#page64of366: be thankful for your own space; it proves that your existence matters

#page65of366: emotional abstract

#page66of366: and just like a last song syndrome, it will keep playing even if you don't want to..its either you consciously stop it or you sing until you hear a song that's new

#page67of366: know when enough is enough

#page68of366: treat your mind as the mom, and your heart as the kid..the former knows what's best

#page69of366: i am everything but an option

#page70of366: that moment when your view finally patterns everything to what is seen 

#page71of366: sleep all day. sleep all night 

#page72of366: all the author needs is a little hiatus to finally give the story a good ending :) 

#page73of366: the Man above has ways of making me happy; only through His ways, not mine :) 

#page74of366: "time flies when you're having fun..."

#page75of366: its not what they show that gives trouble to you; its how you accept and react to it that measures you

#page76of366: done with book

#page77of366: countless reasons to be thankful

#page78of366: amazing place. amazing friends. amazing life. amazing Lord! :)

#page79of366: humbling experience it is

#page80of366: bags make me happy. pictures make me giddy. people make me fall in love more with life :)

#page81of366: whatever it is, all that matters is how you take it and respond to it

#page82of366: don't expect too much from the universe; it will never adjust for you

#page83of366: you can't be too excited; let Him just surprise you

#page84of366: everything exciting is unknown

#page85of366: do not burn the bridges

#page86of366: riddles only you can understand

#page87of366:  timing is everything

#page88of366:  shit happens...you either wash it right away or you let it linger

#page89of366: walk or run; as long as you're moving forward

#page90of366: if i have reasons to frown, definitely i don't have any reason not to smile.

#page91of366: rights = responsibilities

#page92of366: you are what your standards are

#page93of366: "you attract your dominant thoughts"

THIS IS MY STORY NOT YOURS.

that goddamn name

your goddamn name is all over.

i would like to think that the universe is playing tricks on me, teasing me and making me admit that I still have feelings for you. why on earth will I encounter 5 candidates named Michael today; 3 of which prefers to be called Mike. And why would I hear songs that will shake my almost-firmed mindset? "just when I thought I was over you...." 

I once told myself, if ever we'll end up together, I don't want to be with Mickey.. I want to be with Mike plainly because Mike is the real one. I want the real thing. I wanted you...but things did not go the way I wanted it too.

that's just too sad and this is just too much. 

this has to stop. hay. 

Again.. why? Why do I think of you again. Why??? 

I don't know. 

I need signs to know if I'm gonna continue waiting in silence. Ang tanga ko ba talaga? 

I guess I'll just let it be.

Idle Time means Your Time

March 25

If there's one thing I don't like in entering another chapter, that is having to endure the screaming silence of in between moments. Idle times equate to my mind's inability to steer away from your thoughts.

Today marks the first year since this thing of us started. I will not deny it, yes today I have thought of you.

Its been a while. I am actually doing okay without you. Better things are on my side and new people are making my days happy. Work is okay and I got my focus back. Time flies so quickly that I can no longer remember how we used to talk everyday.

You were once a dream and a promise I held on for a year. You are such a beautiful lie says my mind, but my heart speaks otherwise.

Thank you for not talking to me anymore, for not making yourself felt since the time you came back. It really helps. I assume you followed my request that if our story's gonna end, we'll move on quietly. Thank you.

I know you don't have the balls to show up and explain your side. I know you didn't try to breakup with her the whole time you were away, instead you just took a time to rest and make use of your leaves. Why did I even believe you that after 3weeks you'll finally be mine?

But don't worry because those days you were not communicating with me were the most productive days of my life. Work got better and activities became more fun to handle..plus people around me that make me happy.

Thank you for everything. I must say whenever you cross my mind, I stop and smile thinking about our crazy time together, our Isabel..our fights and sweet times. Yes I still think of you and miss you..but each day without you keeps on making me move on quick, making me open the door for others.

There. I hate being idle. It reminds me of my love for you. It doesnt change easily.

I hope you are happy....

Ang Paboritong Libro ni Divina: Ending

Napagod ako. Andami kong mga nakalatag na gawain, nawalan nako tuloy ng oras at ganang tapusin ang paborito kong libro. Masyado akong nawalan ng interes sa pahinang huling binasa ko. Malungkot na di ko natapos ang matagal ko ng pinapangarap na libro ngunit kung itutuloy ko naman, madaming gawain ang hindi ko magagawang tapusin. 

Masyado ng matagal ang oras na ibinigay ko sa nasabing libro, nawalan nako ng panahon para sa mga bagay na totoo. Naisip ko na saka na lang ulit, tutal mukhang wala naman akong napapala at mukhang parehas lang din naman ang ending. Katulad lang din ng ibang libro na aking nabasa, paulit-ulit, pare-parehas, walang makatotohanan.

Masyadong mabulaklak ang sumulat ng paborito kong libro, alam na alam nya kung paano laruin ang imahinasyon ng babasa nito, alam nya kung ano ang dapat sabihin. Nakuha nya ako doon ngunit kailangan kong itigil ang pagbabasa. Masyado ng hindi kapani-paniwala. Nakakapagod ang pang-bobola at paglalaro ng tadhana.

Wala akong pagsisisi na di ko tinuloy at tinapos ko na ang pagbabasa sa pabotrito kong libro. Madaming bagay ang dapat ko pang unahin, at sa mga bagay na ito, alam ko, handa ako na magbasa ulit ng isa pang libro. Libro na makatotohanan at siguradong ang sumulat ay hindi kathang isip lang. 

Nararamdaman kong magiging masaya ako sa bagong librong mababasa ko. Pero saka na muna pag handa na akong ibigay lahat ng oras ko. :)

Follow Your Heart

Nothing's new.

It has always been my heart that leads me to whatever path I should take. I know my heart is right this time as it wants nothing but freedom. Free from uncertainties and illusions; from deceit and defeat.

The one year battle is now over. I know I have fought well but I guess this battle is not for me to win. Or maybe this is not the right battle I should be in, or the sad truth that I was the only one playing and fighting.

Nevertheless, I am happy. At least the end signals a new beginning, a new playing field, a new game to win. No more cuts, wounds, unrecognized strikes, and definitely silent applause from the crowd.

The next battle will sure be grand as I will bounce back higher and better. This time, I will be the prize to be won over, not anymore the player who always strives harder.

And yes, believe it or not, all this and more came from my heart. :)