Shout to the Lord

My Jesus, my Savior,
Lord, there is none like you.
All of my days, I want to praise,
The wonders of your mighty love.

My comfort, my shelter,
Tower of refuge and strength.
Let every breath, all that I am,
Never cease to worship you.

Shout to the Lord, all the earth let us sing.
Power and majesty, praise to the king.
Mountains bow down, and the seas will roar,
At the sound of your name.
I sing for joy at the work of your hands,
Forever I'll love you,
Forever I'll stand.
Nothing compares to the promise I have
In you.

My Jesus, my Savior.
Lord, there is none like you.
All of my days, I want to praise,
The wonders of your mighty love.

My comfort, my shelter,
Tower of refuge and strength.
Let every breath, all that I am,
Never cease to worship you.

10 realizations for the past week

1. Its not as hard as I thought it would be. I can, definitely can end my day smiling without you contributing. :)

2. Those girls will never accept my existence and will continue dwelling on the past. I have no choice but to keep an open mind.

3. I love my job. Its something I have not felt for a long time. Its a kind of high that will never do you wrong. Smile, you have a job :)

4. Of all the people I've known and "befriended" from 24/7, only 10 people are considered to be true friends. Less than 5%. Tsk.

5. Ms. Gert needs a lot of prayers from people. She needs divine intervention. I'm not perfect, not the nicest, but I know I'm far from being like her.

6. Its fun to be busy doing things at work. My heart is feeling light for meeting new people. Network widening plan. :)

7. My anger is nothing compared to the level of anger my friends feel whenever someone's trying to put me down. I love them.

8. Amazing to think that I got to see and bond w the most loved friends in my life.

9.  If you wanna get pissed, you stay outside and walk under the sun from 11am-530 pm.

10. I'm worried that if things go the way he/we wanted it to be, I'll be the one not sure if its really what I prayed to have. #discernment

Ang Paboritong Libro ni Divina

Lahat naman tayo may kanya-kanyang konsepto ng salitang paborito. Aminin mo, kahit naman sa ibang bagay, iba-iba tayo ng konsepto. Ganyan kasi talaga ang buhay, hindi tayo pare-pareho.

Wow libro. Oo, mahilig ako magbasa at mahilig akong maniwala sa mga nababasa; minsan tinatapos ko, minsan naman ako ang natatapos kasi naiiwan akong mukhang tanga--kasi di ko naintindihan, hindi para sa akin ang istorya.

Sa dami ng binasa ko simula nung bata ako, ngayon lang ako kumapit sa isang libro na kung ituring ko sa ngayon ay pinaka-paborito. Paborito? Sa dahilang ang tagal ko ng gustong mabasa ito, bumilang ako ng mahabang panahon para mahawakan at masimulang basahin ito. Dati, nakikita ko lang, nababasa ko ang likod, hinuhulaan ko ang pinaka-istorya. Di ako nagkaron dati ng pagkakataon para mabili at mabasa. Ang daming naging dahilan at saka minabuti kong magbasa na lang ng mga librong kung hindi mura o walang kwenta, eh mga librong patapon at di na dapat na nasulat pa.

Masyado akong nadismaya sa huling libro na aking binasa. Di nakakaaliw kaya ginawa ko lahat para makuha ang paborito ko na patuloy kong ninanasa. Hindi naman pala mahirap gaya ng inakala ko, at eto sa wakas, nakuha ko na ang librong ang tagal ko ng pinapantasya. Nagawan ko ng paraan para makuha sya, ang galing ko talaga. Kulang na lang magtatalon ako sa tuwa na sa wakas, nasa kamay ko na.

Dali-dali kong binuksan, tiningnan ang laman. Di ko muna binasa, pinagmasdamn ko muna, niramdam ko at niyakap ang librong matagal ko ng pangarap. Pilit kong iniisip bakit di ko mabitawan at bakit hindi maintindihan ng aking mga kaibigan. Hindi naman daw maganda ang librong yan; madumi, walang aral, at puro luha lang. Sabi ko na lang, 'basta iba sya, maski ako di ko na kayang maipaliwanag pa.' Dahil pera ko naman at hindi naman ako humingi o nangutang, binili ko pa rin ang libro kahit labag sa kanilang kalooban. Bakit? Ako naman ang babasa at hindi sila, diba? Hindi ko naman sinabing, basahin din o di kaya naman ay tanggapin.

Sinimulan ko ng basahin. Tangina, iba talaga! Araw-araw kong binabasa, araw-araw akong sumasaya. Oo, minsan di maganda ang sinasabi ng ibang pahina, pero habang tumatagal, para sa akin ay lalong gumaganda ang istorya. Habang binabasa ko, lumalalim ang interes, nabubuhay ang iba't ibang pag-asa. Nakaka-aliw, nakaka-iyak, nakaka-kilig. Lahat na yata ng pakiramdam, naramdaman ko na, lintek na libro to, iba ka pala talaga!

Kaya lang, hindi naman araw-araw may oras ako para umupo at magbasa, may mga panahon ding pagod ako at ayoko muna syang makita. May araw din naman na hindi ko alam kung asan sya; maaring nailagay ko ibang lagayan o biglang may humiram pansamantala. Ngayon hawak ko ang librong ang tagal kong pinangarap na mabasa. Asa gitna pa lang ako ng istorya, malayo pa sa katapusan. Hindi ko naman inakala na ang librong to ay mahaba pala, akala ko katulad lang ng iba, maikli at walang kwenta.

Sa una masaya talaga, pero gaya ng nasabi ko na, lumalalim habang dumadaan ang mga araw at ang ngiti ay nawawala na. Napapalitan ng pag-iisip, pag-aaalala, pangamba, at pag-asang minsan meron, minsan wala. Ngayon, gabi na. Pagod na ang aking mga mata, pero gusto kong matapos ko na. Pinipilit kong tapusin. At ang mismong kabanatang aking binabasa, ay tila ayaw akong mahiga, nagbibigay ng kwentong kaaya-aya.

Eto na yun eh, eto na ang librong dati ay akala kong hindi ko kelan man makukuha. May pagkakataon akong patuloy na magbasa o itigil na dahil masakit na sa mata. Alam ko naman ako lang makakasagot nyan. Hindi ko lang alam kung tutuloy pa ba ako sa paglipat sa sunod na pahina o isasara ko muna at ipagpapabukas na.

Ang hirap naman. Pag tinuloy ko ang pagbabasa, maaring di ako matuwa gawa ng baka dahil sa antok at sakit ng mata, hindi ko maintindihan at malula. Pero pwede din namang sa mga sunod na kabanata ay mawala ang aking pagod at ako ay matuwa, magpasalamat at ipagsigawan na, "grabe kang libro ka,iba ka talaga! worth all the troubles, from wanting, getting, and finally reading and settling in!"

Pero sa kabilang banda, pwede din namang ipahinga ko na lang muna ang sakit ng aking mata. Ipagpabukas na lang o kaya wag ng tapusin pa. Yun nga lang, baka pag bukas, wala na akong momentum at saya. Pero baka naman pag pinagpabukas ko, mawala na lang at di ko na makita... ang librong matagal ko ng gustong mabasa.

Hay. Taragis kang libro ka, ansakit mo sa mata, pero grabe, gustong gusto kita.

Bahala na kung ililipat ko sa sunod na pahina o ipagpabukas na lang ang mga sunod na kabanata o itigil na ng tuluyan ang aking pagbabasa.

for whatever its worth

"It’s not about who hurt you and broke you down. It’s about who was always there and made you smile again."

Yes you can and I know you will hurt me as well. Nevertheless, I want to thank you for helping me stand up with a smile on my face, just because you are there and you care. You may have been the rebound at first, and I may have been the flavor of the month, but what matters is, you stayed and will forever stay in my heart. Our journey together is definitely far from ideal, something that we can easily rectify just by going back and never again knock. I guess that's how stubborn we are, we continuously walk the uncertain path. 

For whatever its worth, know in your heart that I will always be grateful for the past year with you right after my painful heartbreak plus the years I've been admiring you from a far. I will never regret the day that we both agreed to blindly walk this road of life and love. 

This is an amazing feeling; surprising, annoying, heart-warming, and heart-breaking. With all these and more, I guess I have made myself ready to go back and forth, left and right, smile and cry. Not just because I feel strongly for you, but because I have given up on trying not to mind the happiness you make me feel inside and out. 

And there goes the Recognition

This is not to brag nor to insinuate something, but to say all the things that my surprised being forgot to mention earlier. I know this is not necessary; if you think this will make you react negatively, I suggest you stop reading.

It never crossed my mind that my name will be called as the Recruiter of the Month for December. It's technically my first recognition ever, and the surprise of hearing my name without expecting anything made it sweeter.

Of course its because of His grace that I was able to deliver more than what's expected; with that, I am thankful. But I want to take this opportunity to thank the people who are more deserving for this credit (yes naman parang awards night lang hehe).

I would stick to my claim that work load, work environment, and the immediate supervisor are the three main reasons to make or break you at work; yourself is already a given. I have proven it once again; I was right when I said that three months ago after bagging the Team of the Quarter award.

This recognition is a victory of John and Kamille-the supervisor and the partner. I am the product of their combined generosity and patience to mold me. If not for John's trust and dedication to objectively help me and Kamille's undying support and push, I would'nt reach this. I am happy not because I was recognized, but because I was able to give them an affirmation of a job well done. They did a great job. I know naman that it's also because of me and my abilities; I just want to honor their efforts in making me get this.

I'd say I'm proud of myself for getting this, knowing that recruitment is something I have never done in the past. And again, if not for those people behind, the award will never be mine.

It might be a very petty and maarte thing for some. I cannot and will not blame them. Why would I? They are not naman the lucky ones who have a great boss and suppportive partner or maybe, it is really unfortunate for them not

to have John and Kamille.

You may think I am overreacting and tell me, ' hindi yan promotion uy!' but I don't care. This is for John and Kamille. The congratulatory is all for the both of them I will just commend myself next time, this first one is for them and I am positive there will be more to come :))

Thank you team two. Thank you miss mel. Thank you John. Thank you Partner. I am thanking you guys with all sincerity.

All these and more is an overall win for my former boss, Jojo. His words and abilities are also the foundation of who I am today. With that, I am also honoring you in this award. More than any award and recognition, I know that the best proof of being a good leader is bringing his people on top with no negativity on the sidelines.

Again, thank you John, Kamille, and TL Jojo. :)

Ang drama noh? Hehe. Kidding aside, I am just happy because I know, I was able to ignite the 'ang galing ko' mode in them...in a good way syempre. :)) Buti na lang di ko to nasabi kanina kasi baka inabot siguro yung meeting ng 10hrs. Hahaha! :))

Yun lang. If you smile after reading this, that means naintindihan mo ko; but if you react negatively, I'm sorry...I'm sorry for your boss kasi wala syang na-impart na maganda sayo.

That's all. I thank you :)

People of the Year 2011

People of the Year 2011 - I got this idea from Bianca Gonzales. I thought of analyzing the important people who played a great part in moving and honing me for the past year. Don't get me wrong, a lot has actually made a difference in my life, but these chosen ones are the people who stood out and made life-altering changes in my life..for 2011. hehe.:D

1. Mommy : Rom and Darlene

You can say I have the greatest Mommy in the world, the mom who does everything in her power to give me all things that i need..including the most important one in 2011: Understanding and Acceptance. Onset of 2011 was not really good. That was probably one of the ugliest 1st quarter of my whole existence. My self-confidence was challenged and true friends have surfaced. In the midst of confusion and loneliness, a talk to my mom changed it all. It made everything better and it made me see the light. Her acceptance made it all easy...her embrace in the middle of painful tears made me love her more. i love my mom. the best.♥

Rom and Darlene. These two kids made me realize my worth as the eldest...the challenges in the family made me assume my role as an ate. i love them and will do anything for them.. i thank my dad for always watching over us.

2. Best Girlfriends

You'll never go wrong with great girlfriends. They are your source of strength and happiness in times of unbearable pain and misfortune. I owe them my smile and laughter in times of uncertainties and depression. Cheers to a beautiful friendship with you girls.♥

BEBES: They are my lovely girls from 24/7, a friendship solidified by trials and confrontations. Ate Lorie just proved how much she loved me, Ydah just proved her undying support on my decisions, and Chill just proved that the past can be burnt and can be transformed into something better. I love you girls.

Karen and Keish: Karen, my babyhun, joined me as we find our way out of a terrible heart-ache. We can't thank those jerks enough for bringing us closer. They say there's always treasure in every break-up. Yes, there is. Ours were found in a deadly heartbreak..see where we us now? in a far way better place.. i love you, hun.♥ Keish, has always proven me that her abode will always welcome me. Her joyous and sunget ways has always comforted me, plus the fact that her baby Lucas just legally bonded our friendship. legally talaga? hahaha.♥

Oice: She is my Sugar. After the ups and downs of our views of each other, here we are, sugarbabes and more. Again, another thing to be thankful for. Thank you Ron for telling unbelievable stories about her and for hurting the both of us. Now, we're friends and happy...hehe. Labyu Sugar ko ♥

Bes: Krinel has been my long-time bes. Elementary pa. Her phonecalls and daily pangungumusta made it easier for me to move on. I know, though we don't see each other often, our love and care for each other will never grow apart.♥

3. Super Girls

Nica and Manett: These girls made a lot of impact to me; simply because they never left me and surrounded me with nurturing and kind-hearted souls...♥ Nica, my ever-loving mam, never failed to care for me and to amuse me with her natural good heart and loyal friendship. She was there for me in my high and low points, never missed a day without checking on me, and made me smile despite hardcore crying. i love you nica. Manett-my everdearest cousin who has proven that distance won't stop her to comfort me and to guide me. My dad knows how good she is to me. her generosity and genuine love for me has always been present in my whole life existence. I love you Ate Maan.♥

4. Anya

Anya is my most precious inaanak. She's my Tita D's daughter. I love her so much that seeing her and playing with her make me super happy. She's super pretty and I swear to my daddy and lola's tomb, that I will be the best ninang for her..I love you, baby.♥

5. VMS Family

                                                    

This is my second home now. My new career, my new role. They are the people who opened up a new opportunity for me to prove myself and to let me show to the world what I can do. I love them especially my team 2, and my boss, John. Thank you and I love you guys.☻

6. My Mentor

Jojo. TL Jojo has been my daddy-kuya-friend for the past 4 years. His unbelievable ways to make me feel better and make me realize things is just awesome. His words of wisdom never failed to amuse me and for that I admire him. Little did he know, he made a big impact in my life. I love you TL.♥

7. Greatest Love

Wendell has always been my greatest love. What we had was amazing and I cannot thank him enough for the 5 years we were together..those were the critical 5 years of my life as it includes the passing of my Dad. He was the only strength I had that time and his love for me proved me that God's presence was/is always around. He showed me love and respect no other man has ever showed me until this very moment. We drifted apart after my stupid act, but doors opened for our friendship in 2011 after almost 2 years of not showing up. He just proved that time heals and time apart makes us better persons and friendship is always important than any other relationship in this world. Thank you Wendz.♥

8. Best Boyfriends

Francis and Bryan: They are my two boyfriends who made my 2011 lovely and beautiful. Their presence means so much to me. My single life was never dull as they put colorful memories in it. They never failed to show me that I was never alone. Our simple "piging" was always an event to look forward to. I know we will have more hagaran and patulan moments in the next years and I will never leave you guys..I can take a bullet for both of you. I love you Bryan and Francis. ♥

9. Bestfriend

Zsazsa is my everdearest bestfriend. We started 2011 on a wrong note and it tested our friendship. But it also proved us that no amount of pain can break us apart. I love her and I will always fight for her. I will never leave her and will always stand by her. She may be doing things that she'll regret, but she will always have me to join her in regretting. Hehe. I love her and she'll always be my bestfriend.♥

10. Mickey

I don't know how to call him, but one thing is for sure, he summed up my 2011. He was the reason why my heart laughed and cried. 2011 was definitely a good year to remember. He used to be my long-time crush, someone I never thought of having. But heartache opened the door for us. We shared unbelievable kilig moments virtually and shared painful events as well. We planned and we failed. But I will never regret having him in my life. He taught me a lot and he made me feel brand new again after all the pain and downfall. In my heart he will always remain. But of course, I am moving forward. Thank you Mickey.♥

And there, ladies and gentlemen, they are the people I considered significant in my 2011. I still have a lot in mind,  like my housemates and college friends, but these 10 made it on top for making my 2011 an enjoyable ride. I thank God for giving them all to me. I will never ever take them away from my heart's memories.

Bye 2011, hello 2012. I am so excited to be with you. Let go and let God. Your will be done. 


AMEN.♥

twenty twelve

Maingay na naman ang paligid. Mausok. Magulo. Shet bagong taon na naman. Parang ako lang din yan, pabago-bago. Maingay, mausok, magulo. Alam ko pagpasok ng sunod na taon, wala ng magbabago. Kung ano man yun, basta yun na yon. Yun ang hindi magbabago. Alam ko lang. Basta alam ko. Mahirap ng baguhin, masyado ng huli ang lahat para maging pabago-bago. Bakit pa, alam ko naman saken na'to.

Mangarap, magmahal, magpatawad. Lahat yan sangkap ng kaligayahan. Sabihin mo mang mababaw, kumontra ka man ng walang hanggan, kung meron akong napatunayan, yun ay ang sarili mo lang ang amo ng iyong galaw. Wala ng iba. Madapa ka man sa iyong pag-galaw, matuto kang bumangon at muling sumayaw. 

Walang masamang lumakad sa direksyong ikaw lang ang nakakaalam; hindi sa lahat ng oras sasabay ka sa karamihan. Ang tama sa iyo ay maaring mali sa iba at ganon din naman sila. Matuto kang bumagtas ng daang hindi mo nakasanayan, magkamali ka man, nadagdagan naman ang iyong kaalaman. Paulit-ulit ka mang maligaw, wala na silang pakialam bilang ikaw ang nagdusa, ikaw ang napagod. Kung mamalasin ka naman at hindi mo makayanan, tandaan mo, ikaw ang abogado ng sarili mo pag hinarap mo si san pedro. Walang ibang may kayang magsalaysay ng buhay mo, ikaw lang. 

Ikaw ang liwanag ng sarili mong kadiliman sa paraang ikaw din ang boses ng iyong kahinaan. Dapat lang tandaan, wag abusuhin ang kakayahan, para walang mag-aalala na mga kaibigan. Sila ang lubid sa iyong buhay, ang maghihigpit ng lumuluwang mong kamalayan, o bibigti sa natitira mong katinuan. Mahalin sila at alagaan, pero hindi ibig sabihin ay maging sunud-sunuran. Makinig at magpasalamat sa pagmamahal at pag-alaga; kung totoo talaga silang kaibigan, magkaiba man kayo ng kagustuhan, di ka pa din nila iiwan.

Ikaw ang boss ng sarili mong karera, ikaw ang magdidikta kung san to papunta. Hindi sa lahat ng oras ay lagi kang masaya, ngunit di ibig sabihin ay magpapabaya ka. Kumilos ka. Walang ibang mag-aangat sa sarili mo kundi ang iyong pakikibaka.

Ikaw ang puso ng iyong mga magulang. Maswerte ka kung dalawa pa sila. Ako wala ng ama. Mahirap. Kaya kung may problema ka sa isa sa kanila, tandaan mo, anak ka lang. Hindi ko man alam ang dahilan bakit di mo yun magawa, di kita pipilitin. Ang sinasabi ko lang, mabuti ka pa, andyan pa sila. Galit ka man, ang mahalaga, andyan pa sila.

Ikaw ang utak ng sarili mong emosyon. Kung masakit na, sasabihin nila, tumigil ka na. Pero minsan, mas masakit ang tumigil sa pagsinta. Magmukha ka mang tanga, kasama yan dahil nagmahal ka. 

Wag na wag kang manghuhusga. Wala ka sa katauhan at katayuan nila para magsalita ka ng isang dosena. Mahirap mabusog sa sariling salita, nakakahiya, minsan nakakasuka. Walang sino man ang may karapatan ng manghusga, tandaan mo, maski ikaw hindi perpekto. Hanggat wala ka sa sitwasyong kinalalagyan nya, tumahimik ka na lang dahil hindi mo alam, nasisira ka na.

Magdasal ka. Wala ng mas lalakas pa sa dasal na nagmula sa puso mong naniniwala. 

Wag matakot. Magpatawad at humingi ng tawad. Tumawa. Umiyak. Mag-ingay. Manahimik. Magmahal. Masaktan. Magdasal. 

Matutong magpasalamat. At matutong tumanggap ng pasasalamat ng iba. 

Sa dilim makikita ang liwanag. Sa kasinungalingan lalabas ang katotohanan. Wag mangambang dumaan sa malubak na kalsada. 

Mahal kita.