730 days ago

I found this blog in the wee hours of December 27, while I'm catching up with my favorite TV series..

in full length:



SUNDAY, DECEMBER 27, 2009


why ME


I refuse the idea of writing my love stories. Yes, its with an S. I have plenty and i am not happy with it. Anyhow, I don't want to talk about it here but my hands are the slaves of my mind...and in my mind is the confusion made by different elements around.


The last serious relationship I had was with J. It was a fairy tale-like story that was bound to end in a not-so-good way. It was the same exact thing I did to W. Deymn. I was mean, I know.


J's goodbye was followed by i-am-no-so-proud-of affairs. Yes, the guys were all taken, if not, too much complicated. I swore to myself not to fall in love and I am still keeping the promise till now. I know and I am aware that this depends on me, but still, I go on and explore the not-so-good affair. I keep on thinking that this is Boss' way to let me understand the situation that J and his JJ went through before and to make me realize that they didnt mean to hurt me after all.


Yes, i get it. I know now, and I understand the feeling and i have realized that I am not in any position to judge someone of their actions. I am not in their shoes to know what to do.




Yung totoo, natutuwa ba ko sa attensyon nila? Yung totoo, dapat maghintay na lang ako ng tamang pag-ibig diba? hay


Yung totoo, bakit ba laging ako ang nagugustuhan ng mga taong hindi na pwede. Yung totoo, kasi ineentertain ko ba o dahil ako ang nagpaparealize na may kulang sa mga relasyon nila? Yung totoo, dapat na ba ko maglaho? Hay ulet.




OH YEAH..TALK ABOUT THE SAME EPISODE. I GUESS THE ISSUE IS WITH ME NA TALAGA. HEHE

26th Birthday. 3rd Alone Trip

12-19-2011: Happy birthday to me and happy 3rd year of travelling alone! :) 


Destination: Manaoag Pangasinan-Baguio. For one freaking whole day. Hehe. I know its weird. It was really tiring and at the same time fulfilling. :) 


I started my birthday waking up to several text messages from friends, one of which was from my bestfriend, Zsazsa. I was touched to feel how eager she was to be the first one to greet me, but fell short since she greeted me 10mins before 12. hehe. Anyhow, I had my coffee and yosi while browsing my FB page and reading other posts from friends. It was touching. It's not the same as last year when I had 250+ wallposts, but these messages I got from several people made it all so sincere. :)


I left the condo around 2:30am, bought food from 711, made sure I had paracetamol and other necessary stuff for my trip. I got to Victory Liner Cubao around 3am, bought my ticket to Urdaneta, and waited for my 5am trip to Pangasinan.

That is what I wanted: Bus ride :)


It took me almost 5hours to reach Pangasinan. From Urdaneta I took a tric going to Our Lady of Manaoag.

It was an overwhelming feeling having to spend an hour hearing mass in this miraculous church...what a birthday mass. With this alone, I know I was already satisfied and happy... I'm so thankful to have been given a chance to come to this place and pray.


On the sidelines were ofcourse greetings from friends and loved ones. Here's what my mom sent me :)

isnt she the sweetest? :)

After the mass, I headed straight to Baguio. Rode a van and took over an hour ride to Baguio. Burnham Park, wow. I was thinking of taking a cab going to session road but i decided to just explore the place and walk until I get there. I succeeded naman as I know its just near Burnham. Hehe. I was wearing a skirt and tank top without any jacket at all. YES HINDI SYA MALAMIG. Kaloka!


My birthday lunch: T-bone Steak. Sizzling Plate, Session Road.

Then I tried looking for the famous Chona's cake, pero no go :( 


I just went to the Grotto and pray...Okay naman. :)

Went to Camp John Hay to buy stuff lang kasi di naman natuloy yung plan ko to have coffee there while meditating, reflecting, lahat na ng -ing. Hehe. :)


6PM, I decided to go to SM Baguio and buy gifts, but no avail, I just headed to UK...its almost 7 and they're already closing...waaaaahhh...but lucky pa din kasi I got to this store na super cheap and I was able to get best buy stuff :) Haberdei to me. Hehe.


Wow, 8PM. I planned to have dinner na kaya lang ang dami ko na dala and I didn't plan of staying overnight naman so I had to carry those kahit san ko maisip pumunta. Tinamad nako and just went straight to the terminal. Ang daming tao at nakakapagod talaga.


10PM: Bye Baguio! :)) 

4AM: Hello Makati! :))


i know its a wow, not everyone naman can do this...not that what i did was amazing, pero katangahan kasi. hehe...haggard trip but it was fun. very 'eat-pray-love' ang peg ko! :p


reasons? ah yeah. i wanted to do this so i can get back on track. 2011 has been a bitter-sweet year for me. and i believe it was about time naman for me to reflect on what happened to my journey to the 26th. i'm still thankful..for the challenges, people who hurt me, problems, and of course blessings.. thank you talaga. 


well, hindi ako heart broken compared dun sa first 2 alone trips ko ha: corregidor 2008 and island trip 2010


uhmm, yeah, i think i have special feelings for this person..the guy who actually summed up my 2011..pero things are complicated and i chose to just feel in silence na lang. lets just wait if words will be put into action..in the meantime, ill have my life back.. malay naman natin kay papa wendz pala ako talaga..hahaha :D


anyhow, thank you Lord for everything.. :) Samar naman po next ha? :)

ISABEL

that's gonna be my future daughter's name. :)

it came all of a sudden. a thought of me holding a precious little girl in my arms, looking at her with utmost joy and pride. first time in my life that i've seen a picture of my future child, first time i built dreams and plans for her. this girl will be well-loved. i know, in two to three years, we will bring her to this world. i know in time, complications will leave me and we will be together. i know we will bring her to this world.

the future dad will be a king to his princess, will shower her with amazing love and unbelievable protection. its sweet to know how he will take care of his little girl. i want the future dad to take the princess out, like a real date, in a fine dining restaurant. be dressed up and all that...that way the princess will know how she should be treated by a real man. that way also, the dad will be her first real date ever.

to be continued...

Sayang

Ayokong mainis sa'yo girl. Pinagtatawanan na lang namin kayo. May mga wrong send text messages ka pa kay E, may mga pacute lines ka pa, may videos and diary ka pa. Alam ba ni hubby J yan? Well at least si hubby J walang tinatago sayo, malamang alam mo na nagka-BF sya dati. Ngayon sinabi ko yun kay E, nandiri sya. Ako naman natawa sa mga sinabi ni E about you at sa mga pangungulit mo sa kanya even after you got married.

Ngayon di ka pa ba titigil?

Kakasawa ka na eh. Ang panget ko diba? Wag mo nako isipin, sayang sa oras mo. Sayang naman dalisay at ganda mo. :)

IDK

and I don't know why I can't get mad at you. and stupid me for still believing that all you said was true. what's happening to the world mother effers?!

as much as i wanted to hate you, my system denies the fact that its true. i cant stay mad at you. well yes who am i to get mad? it came to my knowledge that you went for a soul searching trip alone and got all kamalasan there..i can just imagine how maarte your face was knowing how maselan you are. hay

i guess i just miss you..i dont know why. not that i super want you or want things back, but probably because i got used to you brightening up my day for the past four months. moving on is never hard for me, its a fact..maybe i just dont wanna tell myself yet to stop thinking about "what could have been if those things you said were true.."

anyway you said sorry, i accepted it. but that's all.. we could have just stayed friends and not like this as if nothing really existed. oh well..maybe i just love the fact that my phone gets a happy touch whenever it shows your name every effin day. kalerky!!

well well well...

TEKA LANG:

i learned that someone from the office asked my friend about M and I, claiming that it was on my FB posts and Blogs that i was his GF. IT WAS NEVER INDICATED IN ANY OF MY POSTS THAT WE WERE OFFICIAL KASI THATS NOT TRUE. so...i know you might be reading this, please, stop that chismis. MALING MALI. kalerky!

OKAY NA? hehe :)) Blog ko to, mangelam panget!

done deal

i know i just posted an entry about my heart taking the lead once again, my bad folks.                                as today a major event happened. yes its the end of the fairy tale for kermit the frog and his lady, for dastan and tamina, for mickey and din. yes i was a fool to believe that this man is at par from the others. he always tells me he's not like the rest. now i can affirm, yes you're not as you're probably worse than them.

i hate the fact that i appeared to be the bad one, had i known it was true, it wouldnt come this far. i was a victim as well of your sweet words, my bad for believing. i never wanted to ruin a happy family for caleb.  there's nothing actually to be sad about, nothing to end as nothing has really started. it was all virtual and now i thank the heavens for the fourmonth virtual romance. atleast no damage done on my part. it was just pure virtual investment, easy to get over with.                                  

dont worry M, im giving you the benefit of the doubt still. i asked cathy and she said as per office records, you're not married. but that doesnt mean i will believe you still. J loves you that much not to let go of you, i feel sorry for her and for V too. i wanna be sorry for myself but i guess im not gonna regret anything. i always believe in a grander plan and id say you were an instrument to help me move on easily from my breakup with Ron. i thank you for that. no hard feelings on my part baby, i told you thats fine. you could have just been honest from the start. this is the first time i encountered three or four clueless girls and one superman taking advantage.

anyhow, the show is over, done deal mr. santos. lets all move on and be genuinely happy. thank you for the past four months that you made my everyday happy. goodluck to you!

speechless

this writing is not to raise other people's eyebrows, not to let my friends worry, not to satisfy some's nosiness, not to hurt somebody's feelings, not to defend what i am feeling and the person involved but to share the overwhelming emotion my heart has at the moment.                                                                                                                                                                      YES. Its the heart that's talking once again, and yes I never learned. It's hard to resist someone whom you've been wishing to be yours for a long time now. I know those are just words and you still have to prove it. But you made me real speechless by just talking and making me hear the sincerity in your voice and the plans you have for us. I can't wait till the day we're both ready to hold hands and face the world together saying, 'Hey, i love this person and don't you dare ask why...'